Don't beat yourself up. Its all part of the mourning process. Its hard dealing with the loss of who we used to be.
My mother had scleroderma which has a death sentence attached to it. She told me she was sitting in a doctors office and saw a 'cartoon' on the wall showing a man in boat desperately trying to bail out the water in his sinking boat. He is looking up to heaven exclaiming "God, why me!" In the next caption God booms back, "Why not you".
She said that stupid little cartoon made her really think and come to grips with the future she had to face.
Mom's attitude turned on a dime and luckily she beat the odds and lived FAR more years than she was suppose to. On a bad day, I think of the 'cartoon' story she told me so many years ago. It has actually helped me to pick myself up and get through the bad days.