Debra, Annie, Alice MD, 4eyes, jana, desertflower, ping....

Thankfully it has gotten sorted out - granted the hard way (cholinergic crisis from too much Mestinon luckily I took everyone's advise and had made a doc apt and was in his office when I went capoop....) - but now I am literally off of everything except a small dose of Mestinon and relieved to be so as I most definitely feel / act more like myself even if it be a slower, sorer version;

But you are all also so so right about the rest.... - I have to learn to be gentle with myself and change some of the attitudes I was raised with that still color my reactions to some of the things I have recently experienced.

But I'm still at the stage of tryin to scrape that superwoman tattoo off my chest and admit I am a mere human being who needs help even with things I use to do with ease- help from those who have never seen me "weak" or "ill" because apparently I've been quite a good masquarade artist / found ways to compensate or have always managed to "push" my way thru....

I guess the hardest thing though for me is to acknowledge / get a handle on is that I have no control over what this disease may or may not do - the sheer unpredictability of it I find frightening / stressful.

I did talk to the doc about it and he somewhat reassured me that both crashes were somewhat "artificially induced" thru the surgery then meds but that my anxiety is real / "what you're feeling is legit - and no I do not think you are crazy..." But he wants me to try talking with a pscy/counselor/specialist that deals chronic illness.... and try to avoid the medication route if I can considering how much I over-react to meds /or they interfere with the MG..... now to find one - although you know, I think the crew here, while maybe most are not degree card carrying professionals, have been a godsend to my sanity as well as my wellbeing..... Thank you gals and guys....