I too have not misused any drugs - the only time I get any are when my arm develops yet another major infection, then only enough for usually a week or two at most.

I also go through the wishing my pain and spasms would stop every day, I just so far am able to keep the thoughts to just wishing a lot I could just have my dang arm removed and enjoy pain free life again. See this arm has had su many injuries over the years, I literally have had to go many times months to year or more without using it... Is that bad thinking? I really don't know...