That was mostly in my 20's. I was blessed with wavy dark hair and porcelain skin, which people always told my parents I was striking.

I realised this when one of my father's friends told him he was in love with me and asked for my hand in marriage. My father replied that if he ever came past again, or near me again, he would kill him. LOL!!

By then I knew looks can get you places. I was very dismissive of people who didn't fit into the stereotypical mold of beauty,and I never had friends that were better looking than me because I didn't like competition.

I married at 25, and that was a stretch as by 19 many of my parents friends were trying to fix me up with their son's. I also think my parents were a bit releived to see me married as I am sure they were worried that my looks would fade, or at least that's what my mum said all the time.

I lived like this in this bubble, and married someone very handsome hoping to have good looking kids.

All this changed so much when I got my PN,and in an odd way it was almost a blessing in disguise because I finally saw beauty in unconventional things. I became my own advocate. I stopped to smell the roses. I listened to my clients more and better. I have friends who also have disabilities. I have friends who come from all walks of life as they say. I enjoy simple things. I don't waste my money anymore on frivilous things.

I am starting to go grey now too. On the sides of my hair. Since my hair is dark,it is quite noticeable, but I decided not to colour for the time being.

I really finally beleive that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it took this illness to show me that.

But as they say hindsight is always 20/20. I generally don't have the high opinion of doctor's that I used to have. They have their heirarchy, and surgeons are generally considered to be tops.

I beleive the spine surgeon who operated on me also lied to me and didn't disclose his unsuccessful ratio. He told me I only had a 2% chance of reherniation,but had less chance than someone who had never had it before. I beleived him. Within 2 years I was showing signs of reherniation,and attempted to email him,and he didn't reply. 2 calls to his office also with no return calls. He charged me $13,000 to do the surgery back then. I never complained against him for some reason, I just didn't want everyone to find out I was sick again.

But let me tell you if any doctor messes with me today, in my present state, I won't be so quick to let things slide anymore.