Dear kathy, Welcome to Neuro Talk. You have found the best place to be. I am sorry you are in so much pain. Wish I could push up the date for your appointment for you. You will find alot of compassionate folks right here to support you while you go through all this. I must tell you that what you are doing for yourself, by painting is fantastic! You are trying distraction as a way to cope, and it will help you not to become so depressed while you are in this shape. I do the same thing. I had to overcome my depression, and I found this site. Now I am doing mosaics sitting very comfortably. I also read as a method of distraction. Keep it up, we will be here for you. No you are not being selfish at all. We all need each other. Nobody wants to be alone and go through these pains. Go into any thread you want to talk, and you will get good responces. You are doing exactly the right thing by reaching out, and you found a very caring site. I will be here any time you care to post. I am post 19months, cervical fussion, with a bunch of other troubles, and I come here all the time for good council and support. I wish you all the best. ginnie