It's nice to have you here at NT
You've come to the right place for support and understanding.

I'm so sorry about your mom. There's no easy way around it when we lose our loved one. The grief is a stark reality we must face and there are no 'rules' as to how long it takes or how we should deal with it. Allow yourself to cry as many times as you need. We all are unique and our relationship with our loved one is also unique. When I lost my little brother, I felt hollow. I felt as tho I'd never be able to laugh again for the rest of my life, because his wonderful sense of humor was gone. The music in me died - we'd never play our songs together anymore.
I like how you mentioned healing and celebrating your mom's life. I finally got to a point where I could do this with my brother. I still have my moments of course, but that overwhelming sense of darkness has lifted and I can concentrate on all the good times we shared.

I too battle anxiety/depression, so I understand what you are saying.
You've been hit with a double whammy because you've had a traumatic health condition in the same timeframe of losing your mom. This is a heavy burden to have to bare. Try to concentrate on your program that has helped you so much these past 2 years. At the same time, give yourself permission to grieve in your own way. It will take time, but you've successfully risen above the medication and this shows the strength within you. If everything gets to be too much, talk to your Dr and the two of you will determine if you should get back on the meds or not.

The fact that you are here reaching out for support, shows the determination within you to get through this difficult time. We are here for you, so please don't hesitate to share your feelings. We build each other up and that's what makes Neurotalk such a wonderful place.

God Bless you and grant you Peace,
Rae