Kay,
Are these debts student loans? You have to keep very close contact with those folks of course. You also need to work out a plan with the IRS as you know.

I am wondering what will happen if you stop paying the unsecured debt? Medical debt can be tricky. A lawyer could help.
If your husband is not comfortable filing for bankruptcy yet, then give him time. He may come around.
What if you made an appointment by yourself for a free consultation with a lawyer? You might get information that would help you feel relieved. Also, with that information you might help your husband think this through a little.

M