How can I explain this. For the most part I've been pretty positive. I've kept my sense of humor, work full-time, just deal with everything alone (more about this later), and pretty much ignore Mr. PD who manages to give me a poke once in awhile.

Right now, well it's a different story. I essentially want to tell everyone I've ever spoken to, worked with, or live with now to go f--- themselves. Maybe I've just pushed myself too hard, like ignoring the inevitable, fitting on that fake smile, etc. What happened is Monday I had the symptoms of a stroke. I woke up with a blaring headache out of nowhere and called my neuro. Recently I was started on midodrine which was to raise my blood pressure. I have quite low blood pressure lying down, and when standing I have passed out. My doctor put me on two small doses, which I took faithfully until Monday. While I was having those symptoms, I took my BP. It had gone from my norm of 100/60 /90/43 to 138/89 150/90. I was told this isn't terribly high, but for me this was high, and I had a truly rotten headache. I put in the call, as I said, and waited. I even went to work because my house sucks when it comes to resting. For some reason people here don't give a sh--- when I try to rest. (I basically don't exist - more on this one later). By the time the covering neuro called, my headache went away, but she had me come in anyway the next day for CT scan and a visit. The attending LPN, who knows me pretty well, had a scared look on her face as she checked my signs. Stiff left hand (even when on), dialated pupil, numbness on face, and cold hand, slow left leg. The conclusion from the neuro, who consulted with her, was I had a mild stroke, and to follow-up if nothing improves. Okay. Not much I could do. The CT scan showed nothing abnormal, so it's a good thing. They thought it could have been a TIA, and it was a good thing that I stopped the Midodrine. I actually did that first before calling the office.

Anyway, the rest of the week sucked. I had to prep for a colonoscopy. I know this takes a lot out of a normal person, well it took even more out of me. The test proved I'm clean as whistle, and I went home to sleep, which I did. I was also quite stiff, and my left side was still tight, but I know I can work that out.

Well Friday morning, at the bloody but-crack of dawn, before the stars completely disapear, I woke up with a blasted headache like someone hit me with a brick. There was a bright flash of light, and then pain in my head. I called the office again, after trying to sleep off the headache, which only got worse the more I tried. They told me to go to the ER, which I actually got a ride to in a different city, because the one located 3/4's of a mile from my house is dangerous. I wouldn't even bring a dead animal there! (it's rated 1/2 star!). The bigger, not so much better, hospital ER saw me, and felt I was best going to see my doctors at the Lahey Clinic. I got a recluntant ride down there (I'll explain later) from my dad. I got to Lahey, ate a disgusting grill cheese sandwich with the sweetest tasting ice tea I ever had. I saw the same people I saw before plus a couple more neuros. One of them thought I actually had glycoma because my left eye hurt. It felt as though something was going to push it out of my head! No glycoma, which runs in my family, and definitely no close angle, which I was checked for. The attending neuro, a stroke specialist, wanted me to stay over, and i had MRI The MRI scan showed nothing, and the evening neuro, also on the same team, sent me for another CT scan. This also showed nothing. I was in miserable pain, ready to throw up, and very stiff since my meds wore off. They put me back on my meds, gave me something for pain, which didn't even feather dust it away. Another two neuros came to see me on Saturday, said I possibly had a migraine or worse an aneurysm which they were afraid of, and sent me for an CT-A (one with dye) to look at my arteries. They said there were things, there but not to worry about them, and their conclusion was a migraine. I was quite upset at this point. It's not that I wanted something worse, but they're telling me I had nothing more than a lousy rotten headache, which I knew in the first place. They were shocked when I asked them this. I have never, ever, had a headache like this one. The understood how I felt and reassured me everything was fine.

Well after taking the so-called migraine meds, nothing could stop the bloody pain. They then gave me Vicodan. 6 vicodan later, and the pain subsided to a dull ache, which I can tolerate somewhat. I got over my amuzed frustration, and chock this up as an experience.

Now the doctors were kind enough to give me the PD meds, which are in my records. However they overdid it. I take a total of 6 Sinemet 25/100 pd, plus 1 CR at night, along with 3 Amantadine, 1 Azilect, and 3 Lodosyn. They kept giving me Sinement every 3 hours to make up for the lost day. I told them it was too much, so now I'm smacking my lips like a junky and writhing around. I'm not stiff, but can't sit still either!

So anyway at this point, I'm ready for the loony bin, perhaps run away and screw everyone. I can't deal anymore with this s----!

This is only part of the story. I'll continue in another thread...This is the part that really sucks...