Hi Dalton,

With anxiety and obsessions, our natural tendency is always to run from or resist the thing we are fearing. With OCD in particular, this manifests itself in the form of compulsions that include checking, seeking reassurance, counting, washing, and a number of other behaviors, some of which are quite bizarre.

What you describe here sounds like a classic obsessive-compulsive thought process (I'm not diagnosing you with OCD--just talking about this thought process). An obsession (intrusive, disturbing thought) gets stuck in our heads, and we go around looking for information in order to prove to ourselves that our feared consequence (e.g. brain tumor, something bad happening to a loved one, etc.) will not happen or is not true. But this is a losing battle; no matter how much evidence we produce (those of us with OCD, anyway), we can never achieve absolute certainty that our feared consequence will not happen, and we still feel anxious thinking about that tiny chance that our feared consequence could occur.

The idea here is that reassurance, in the short term, does help to alleviate the anxiety; all compulsions do, and that's why people engage in them. But as a long-term strategy, it is not likely to be helpful. The general rule of thumb with any type of anxiety--which is much easier said than done--is to go toward what you fear. With a brain tumor, this might mean working on accepting the possibility that you might have a brain tumor and that there's nothing you can do about it, rather than looking for more information to try to achieve certainty. This is very hard at first, and it is best done under the supervision of an anxiety or OCD specialist (depending on your diagnosis), or at least with a very good self-help book.

Can you get a referral to see an anxiety specialist? Medication alone will only take you so far with anxiety; lasting progress requires an understanding of the condition, as well as changes in behavior and thinking. If what you have is OCD, then the best treatment is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Anyone who claims to be an expert in OCD and is not using these techniques is probably misinformed and out-of-date. Again, I'm not trying to diagnose you; let the therapist take care of that. I'm just trying to say that once you are diagnosed, it is very important to get a therapist who is an expert in whatever particular anxiety disorder you have (if you have one).

If you are able to read with your current head injury, you might look into getting the following books:

Dancing With Fear, by Paul Foxman

This one focuses on anxiety in general, and is more relevant for disorders like Panic Disorder, Phobias, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, by Jonathan Grayson.

This is an up-to-date and fairly comprehensive treatment of OCD by one of the foremost experts in the field. It may also be of some benefit in helping to understand and cope with other anxiety disorders.

When in Doubt, Make Belief, by Jeff Bell

This one also focuses on OCD, but may also be helpful for other forms of anxiety such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder and maybe Panic Disorder.

There are some good Yahoo groups for people with anxiety disorders. Some are general and some focus on specific disorders. It might be best to first see if you can get a diagnosis, but some of these Yahoo groups are extremely helpful, and they are moderated by experts on these conditions.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to discuss your anxiety further, or if you have any questions that you don't want to ask in public.