Ashley,
Nothing about anything to do with suicide is easy. We all know that here in one way or another.
Please don't see suicide as the end to your pain. The end to your pain is finding the way through this time in your life and realizing you can live.
Choose life. There is help available and I hope you are able to find it and accept it no matter where that support comes from.
I'm sure you'll find a lot of support here from people who understand where you are in time right now.
You matter.
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/post33881-1.html
Quote:
"Our minds are quite manipulative particularly when cultivated by fear. Do not fear your suicidal thoughts. Do not be ashamed of them. Do not let them be a negative aspect of your being. Accept them..and post them here or talk openly about them to friends and family...
A suicidal thought is NOT initiated by the mind as a way to harm the person.
It is initiated by the mind as a misguided attempt to protect the person. By understanding its intent you will be able to redirect it with self esteem and self love in place...fear will not be able to stimulate the negative cascading psysiological affects that make so many of us tire to the point of accepting suicide as the solution."
~Pter
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Bold added by me.