Greetings,

I am new to NeuroTalk and am hoping for some advice and someone who understands what's happening to me. Here's my story:

I am a female in my early 30's who works in the field of law enforcement. Since the age of 9 I have had approximately 10 concussions, ranging from mild to severe. My first concussion "with complications" occurred about 4 years ago as a result of a car accident. I was sent via ambulance to the hospital about 3 weeks after the incident for a CT scan... apparently nothing unusual was found as I never heard back. For this and all past concussions the remedy was take tylenol for the headaches and suck it up princess, get back to work. Since that I have had 3 more. Doesn't take much.

In September of this past year I was playing hockey and fell backwards, striking the back of my head on the lip of the boards. I went down like a tonne of bricks and couldn't get up. It hadn't seemed like a big fall, but I couldn't get up and I couldn't make my body move... despite being able to feel everything... my limbs just wouldn't respond. After the initial trip to the hospital and Xrays I was told I wasn't concussed and to take tylenol and come back if I got worse. 4 days later I was in extreme pain and sick to my stomach and dizzy and just generally out of it. A CT scan was ordered but apparently was normal. I have been unable to function since. To make matters more interesting, I was in a minor car accident in January, my symptoms not only got worse, but more of them. They are as follows:

-Headache: since September I have had a headache almost constantly. I cannot remember a day without that pain except with use of Tylenol 3

- Head pain: I feel a constant pressure inside my head, like my brain is trying to push out and I have a vice squeezing my skull and it's sensitive to touch, like it's bruised it's uncomfortable to lay down

- Jaw pain: my jaw doesn't open right and it hurts - all the time, I find it hard to sleep

- Insomnia: I have trouble sleeping, and even with prescribed sleep aids I have trouble staying asleep

- Sensitivity to light and sound: too much noise or background "hustle" like in a public place or some music or too many people talking makes me want to crawl out of my skin and makes my head hurt. Bright and flashing lights makes my head and eyes hurt horribly and a bit sick to my stomach

- The Shakes: this is a relatively new issue. When I am placed in a new or stressfull situation I start to shake and feel again, like I want to crawl out of my skin and run screaming or curl up into the fetal position.

- Stuttering: also new, happens in that same situations as the shakes, I can't find words and can't speak them and become extremely frustrated. Sometimes Even outside of those situations I am finding myself without words to express.

- Temperature issues: I can't seem to regulate my internal temperature, I'm always too hot or too cold. I wear layers and take them on and off throughout the day

- Double vision/focus: I have more trouble focussing and have to work much harder to maintain focus, my eyes hurt constantly. I am taking breaks writing this...

- Fatigue: I am always tired and worn out... I was running and playing hockey before this... now I can't walk 500 meters at a slow pace without my head getting heavy and hurting.

- Dizziness: I fall over to the right when the doc does my balance tests weekly. If i turn too fast I get the vertigo sensations and sometimes even laying in bed or seeing too many colours or patterns. I still can't drive

- Patterns: They hurt my eyes and head, especially if they are busy and intricate.

- Obsessive: I suffer from obsessive thoughts... constantly, dissecting and reliving or creating the worst memories and scenarios my mind can torture me with and I can't stop them. I am now on anti depressants

- Anxiety: I am constantly nervous, afraid, I have anxiety attacks at the thought of returning to work or going to a public function or place I am not already familiar with.

- Poor decision making: I can't make decisions. It upsets me. It paralyses me. Deciding what to make for dinner already makes my heart race... then I get really irritable and want to crawl out of my skin.

- Irritable: I am far more short tempered than I used to be... people have actually remarked on it.

Even in the quiet, I feel sometimes like I want to crawl out of my skin and run and run and run...

My family, is supportive, but even then I see them losing patience. My mother (who helps me look after my daughter) asked if I thought I was "not letting myself get better". My work is constantly asking when I'm coming back, will I come back, can I still do my job?

Can I? Can I return to a job where the reality is that I WILL be placed in the position of wrestling with a violent offender - responsible for my safety, the public's safety and that of my coworkers? Can I get hit in the head again? I have a family and a quality of life... or am I simply being a wimp?

Could this be in my head? ( I was asked that too... could the symptoms just be in my head?)

Thank you kindly for your time.

Cheers,

Rayna