Hi penguinsfan!

Welcome to the forum, people understand what you're going through here better than anywhere else.

You have Post-Concussion Syndrome, and it is not uncommon at all for it to last as long as yours has, especially since yours has been fed by subsequent impacts and risky behaviour. Whilst every injury is different, there's no reason you shouldn't recover to feeling good again if you make some lifestyle changes.

The concussion which caused my PCS happened one day before yours, on March 25th 2011, also while playing sport. My recovery rate in general has been a lot slower than yours, and I did not get back to feeling like I could do all those things you talk about until much later than you did. This is probably because I have more of a concussion history than you and so my brain is slower to heal.

Yet from the sounds of things I am now 'ahead' of you in my recovery (not that it's a competition! ). I would put this down to the fact that I seem to have been lucky enough to find this forum earlier than you and to make the necessary lifestyle changes. Also because the good advice you have had from people, you seem to have often ignored (that's not a criticism, PCS often messes with people's levels of insight and makes them do risky or unwise things. Also, you obviously love your weightlifting, and it's hard to give up stuff that you love. But you have to give it up for a while or you won't get better).

So....

Rest is very important. Your brain has been injured (not all sorts of brain injury show up on an MRI - mine was clear too) and it needs a decent period of rest to recover without all the changes in blood pressure, blood flow, hormones etc that are brought on by weightlifting and other exercise, as well as the head movement that will be brought on by running or diving off diving boards. Exercise can be useful later in your recovery, but it sounds to me like you have never given it that chance to rest in the first place. You need to stop doing all that stuff until your symptoms are a lot less than they are.

This also includes cognitive rest. I stopped playing/watching computer games, action films, music videos, cinema, reading and other high stimulation mental activities, since although you may not realise it these things make your brain work very hard. I was also off work for a good few months followed by working part time at work for many months. I am only just approaching full time. I'm guessing you continued with school as normal as you don't mention this - this again shows me that I was much worse off than you for most of our recovery time since I could not have coped with this, but again, now I have less symptoms than you - because I gave my brain the chance to rest (boring, but necessary). This includes getting lots of sleep, if you can.

What you put in your body makes a big difference. Alcohol, caffiene and MSG will slow or reverse your healing. Fruit and veg high in antioxidants (google a list of antioxidant foods), fish oil, eggs and pork contain things which will help your brain to heal itself.

Stress and anxiety are bad, they flood your brain with chemicals which excite it and slow healing. In one sense you need to be more anxious, in that you need to take your condition seriously and start doing what you need to do to start healing instead of keeping on doing these risky things even when advised not to. But once you've put these changes into place, try your best to avoid anxiety. You have a plan now, you know how to get better and you're putting it in place, so you can calm down knowing that there's no reason it shouldn't work.

The reason you haven't got better so far is because of the wrong sort of lifestyle. Now that you're going to change that, there is less to be anxious about. It won't happen overnight and there are many struggles still ahead but by coming here you can get yourself on the right track. There are lots of people here who understand your struggles and who have symptoms as bad as or worse than you. So put thoughts of suicide behind you, you now know how to get better, and you have people to talk to who understand your pain.

Very best wishes and welcome again. I'm glad you found us