Dear kowala, its funny or remarkable that you ask me to not push my friends and family away cuz that's what I'm doing I don't even want to be with my children or my husband where I am I'm alone my husbands family dossent know or even care I'm in utah and my mother is in minisota but we never talk she couldn't care less about me and of course my sisters live with her so I just feel very much alone.. I'm so so sorry about your babies.. its so hard and it does rip my heart out each time and my dr won't tie my tubes cuz he says I'm to young but I can't bare to say good by to another baby, my heart can't take anymore.. so I told him that that was fine that I would just destroy everything down there and I won't have to worry about it.. thank you for your kind and caring words.. its comforting that even a total stranger can care if I live or die.. thank you.