two of my best friends were ripped from me when i was a child. the dad committed suicide and the mom died. before you do anything drastic think of the effect on your kids. as long as you are alive they have the hope of being with you. when they become adults no one can keep them from you. a tiny flicker of hope is what both they and you need. my friends did not have this. it makes me so sad that their dad snuffed out that flicker of hope. and i loved their dad and mom too so some of my own hope got snuffed out. i know you are in pain but please remember what you do affects others. and remember things usually get better. meds may not be enough. find something that makes you your best you and concentrate on it. don't dis the meds, they might have a place in the puzzle. if not you must go on anyway.