Sally,
I watch my elderly inlaws decline every day, watching them wet and soil themselves. FIL wears his food all over the front of his shirt. She has her clothes on inside out and backwards. He can barely get out of his WC.

As I watch them, I know that all of us, ill or no, will end up like this if we live long enough. I look at all of the elderly in their facility, and imagine them young and vivacious as we are (or were). Inside every elderly person struggling to stay independent is a 20 year old...

I guess my best advice is to live in the moment...try to stay strong physically and mentally. And when the time comes, and it will for all of us who live long lives, we either plan ahead financially to live in a facility or we live with family.

You seem to be doing the best you can, fighting against the pull of weakness and frailty...keep up the good fight!!