After 18 years of marriage and another 8 years of staying together after we divorced my wife/ex wife left me on July 24 of last year. She up and packed a bag and literally walked out the door less than 2 hours after we returned home from a vacation at Siesta Key for a week. The morning after our arrival she complained of food poisoning and spent the week in the condo we were staying at. I would later find out that she was texting and calling a guy back in her home town that she knew from middle school. Our marriage was not what I would say a bad one but we were having our difficulties. She had major depression, OCD and agoraphobia, was on social security disability due to the fact that she could not even venture out of the house. Needless to say when she left it hit me like a freight train. I have Parkinson's disease, was a firefighter for 16 years and am on disability and a pension myself. I am lost without her. My day is spent at home, due to parkinsons I lost my license. The hours go by painfully slow. I can get around but I fall alot. I use a walker and a powerchair. She keeps in touch with my daughter who lives at home with me but won't talk to me. She calls every month around the end of the month to make sure that I'm still sending her the pension monies-she gets 1/2. She tells me not to give up on us then won't answer the phone. She calls me when she "wants it" because the guy she went up there for is an alcoholic and has numerous health issues and apparently isn't doing the job. I know she is using me and if truth be known she would not even talk to me except for the financial aspect of things. I ache to hug her, to hold her hand, to see her smile. I have had numerous suicidal attempts since she left. My favorite time of day is night-time because then I go to sleep. My parkinson's is not affecting me and until I wake up I am at peace. I have been crying since this weekend. My mother was recently hospitalized with a brain tumor and she had the nerve to call while I was in my mom's hospital room and ask if I could send the money earlier because she was being evicted. I have got to be the sorriest person in that I love her still. I would do anything to have her back in my life. she told me on New Years that she was coming back. My daughter was up there for the holidays visiting. Well she called to say that she was not coming but that my daughter had already left to be back in time to go to a friends party. I am at a loss except I know that tommorrow will be like today. Wake up, take my meds, eat a few times and wait till it's time to go to bed which is usually about 7 when I am ready but I try to stay up and read or something until at least 8:30 or 9. I am on zoloft but it doesnt help. Well thanks for listening.