thank you so much
i think you might be right. My mother has been dead for almost 15 years. It was weird that the 104 year old woman sat at the table i sit at and the night before i had the dream about my mother who would have been 103. I have tried so many times to resolve the hurt feelings. two or three months before she died, i spoke to her -she called- and said she loved me. the way she treated me as i entered my teens until we were carrying on conversations before her death she didn't seem to. she was so critical. she was so cold. she was only warm when she wanted something from me which I did until the last five years of her life. Now I scare myself when i think of all the decisions i made in my life....it has been such a bipolar life with such extremes. I was crazy to major in Latin for instance and my parents weren't pleased about it.
Then i tried to get a doctorate in psychology while working full time and over time and didn't do my dissertation or pass the comprehensive. so many of my teachers had left and the questions were primarily from teachers i didn't have.
It was too much and i set myself up for failure even though i did work in the field. I did a clinical internship. My choices in boyfriends were really bad too. I thought one was my soulmate but he was an alcoholic who used drugs and killed himself when he was about 31 by hanging himself from a tree. He had tried when he was 14 too. He suffered from deep depression.
my kitty cats have been unusually friendly to me lately.they thank goodness are in my mind a lot. I have a couple of spiritual books i want to read. I seem to be very lonely. I am blithering on. thank you again
bobby