Bless your heart Jim. Why she would give up such a sweet caring guy like you for an alcoholic, is beyond me!! And how in the world was she able to get 1/2 of your pension when SHE walked out??!! That really fries me!

I know you still love her, but Jim she's not treating you very well. I doubt she would treat you much better if she came home. There's something that I truly believe --- That EVERYTHING happens for a reason. And there MUST be a reason for this too. Perhaps God has a plan for you -- that there is something he wants YOU to do. Trouble is, you have to figure that out.
In the meantime, are there any groups in your area for the disabled? Perhaps some social groups, or support groups? It would do you good to get out, and maybe join them. And since you like to read, how about a trip to the Library once in awhile? It's a good place to meet people.

I wish you the very best. Depression and loneliness are awful. I fought both after my husband died. I wish you the very best Jim. Please take care of yourself. God bless. Hugs, Lee