I am very sorry that your depression is so bad. I do understand why it happened. I too have experienced loss. I have a daughter I absolutely love, and she abandoned me. It is hard to love someone when they don't love you back. It hurts soul deep. I also take an anti-depressant, and have multipal health conditions.
Saying this, I want you to know you are not alone. You can develope new interests even with PD. My psychologist said something to me over and over again...."You can change your mind" Meaning, that you can put this issue on a shelf, and ignor it for awhile. Then at some point, allow yourself the time to re-visit the issue, grieve, and then move on again. If you can just distract yourself a bit, time really does heal. I am not going to get over my daughter, not ever, but I have learned to accept what happened. You can't control what another person does, you can only change your response to it. I had alot of false hopes, that things could be reconsiled. When that time passed, and I realized it wasn't going to go the way I wanted, I had to change my attitude. I read as a major distraction. I found this site, and made some new friends. I tried to change small things in my life to make myself feel better. You are OK just as you are. Please consider, getting council. If you find the right person to help guide you through this process, it can change your life for the better. I come back to Neuro Talk as often as I can for support. I have my pitty parties, my moans and groans, then I stop and listen to someone else. All of a sudden I realize I am a good human being, even with pain in my life. You are a person worthy of being in a better place in your heart. I wish my own marriage had worked out too, it didn't. Don't give up, and try hard to be good to yourself. Try reading more than you do, and it can take you to another location, another adventure, somewhere else than where you are at. Come back here and talk all you can. I sure will listen. I never wanted what happened in my life either. We don't ask for pain, but sometimes it does happen, and to some really good folks. I care about you as a fellow human who is in pain, and feels alone. You arn't. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are welcome to PM me at anytime, and I will try and help you in what ever way I can. ginnie