Hey Lupin, I'm only about six months ahead of you in this whole process. I don't know your age and family status, but I'm 47 and have been a single mom for 18 years. (except for a 3 year marriage from hell that ended 3 years ago) Have two daughters, 21 and 23 and my granddaughter 4 living with me. They pay minimal rent and help a LOT with chores and cooking. However they depend on me almost totally financially as they are students.
I used to run 8 miles a day, take them for 10 mile hikes in the mountains on weekends, and we would shop till we dropped with their friends. I coached soccer teams, they were in tap and jazz classes sometimes 5 days a week and I was the cheerleading mom with the minivan full of girls! I never stopped going. Oh, I also was a working mom and a part time student getting my masters degree and graduated college the same year my daughter graduated high school. There wasn't much that could slow me down!

When this PN cut me off at the knees I thought my world had ended. I had symptoms for up to three years before I went to the doctor. Once I was finally diagnosed, I went into a depression that scared my daughters. I laid in bed for two months, only got up to go to work. It made the PN even worse that it should have been.

I thought I would never find a boyfriend, I thought I would be a worthless burden to my girls, that I would live on disability in a room in my daughters home like a shut in. Oh, the horrible things I imagined for my life.

Then I fought it. I decided it wasn't going to get the best of me. I read some of the stickies. Wing 42 has some great advice. I still have setbacks. I am terrible with managing my money, and I have an ex husband that I was with for a short 3 year period that was quite devastating on my life and the stress of the after effects of that marriage are still affecting my finances. Those stresses are what cause me the most pain.

I have finally accepted the fact that I can't spend the day at the mall. I can't spend the day "walking" or "hiking" or on my feet in any way. I have to accept that I have PN. I am still dealing with the fact that I am not "wonder woman" any more. I have a REAL hard time accepting that I've gained 50 pounds! So, the issues I'm dealing with now are that I'm heavier, I don't feel as attractive as I used to, I don't feel like a woman that men would be attracted to. At almost 50 years old, what man wants to start a relationship with a woman who could potentially be disabled long term? So, I have to take very good care of myself. I have to exercise as much as I can and keep myself in good shape so that I can be a healthy grandma and mom, like I used to be. Just not as mobile as I used to be.

We all have our "down" times! I've vented quite a lot here! They all jump in, pick me up, dust me off, and send me down the road with a kiss on the forehead and a stroke to my ego.

This is a really good place to come when you are scared, lonely, and feeling like the rest of the world doesn't understand! These people do!