Astaire Gal,

Welcome to this corner! Glad you found us.

Well, here's what I think in general. Not all men can be are care partners. Some marriages might be better if we had a PCA for the very personal stuff. Someone that you pick and train yourself to do things your way. That would help w the difficulty of asking a spouse to do something you know in advance he doesn't want to do or you would rather not have him do.

I believe there is funding for this but don't know the particulars.

You and your husband could still be a team planning meals, outings and such. And he could do the thousand little things that you might need help with.

Toileting, bathing, cath care etc could be for the PCA. I am sure there is more.

I hope you get the idea. As B2Y said, it is late in the day here.

Best to you,
ANN