Bless your heart --- DO NOT take your life! You are NEEDED in this world. God put you here for a reason!!
Just because you need meds doesn't mean you have to be "drugged up" all the time. I also need medications, but I'm not loopy all the time. In fact I don't feel the effects of them at all. If you get the right dose, you're just fine! It takes some work, but it's WORTH IT. You just have to be patient -- and determined.
God has a plan for you here on earth -- it's up to you to find out what that plan is. But first you have to get to the doctor and start feeling better. I KNOW you can do that.
I realize you've been thru a lot -- we all have. Please just keep trying -- we're here with you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee