Where do I put the thread about just giving up?

If I was Spock, I would have had a brain freeze, logic doesn't seem right. Everything goes wrong even when right.

How long does it take to get to the bottom, you know, at the point you think you are at the bottom, however, you are pushed more, but you still fight, then you are pushed more... when is the pushing just too much?

And do not get me wrong, I know the forums I am in, and some have gotten raw deals in life, where my raw deal is mainly mental. I don't understand. Would I be happier in a wheelchair, and the way people treat me, rather than walking and beng treated like crap? I just feel like a loser.

I don't want to implode, I fight every day, I always help people, and actually probably do it more hoping it will make me better (aka, walking little old lady cross street I just crossed the other way because it is the right thing). I notice i don't smile a lot, but I feel stupid walking around alone smiling.

I want things in life.
I would love a wife and I would love a child, but I am 48 now.
I like the nice librarian look, I like a soft gentle woman to protect kind of woman. Freckles are cool But i am aging myself out of those dreams. And to meet someone in NYC, lol, NYC is the coldest place to meet people, you either know them from the past, or not.

Now with my life going on and that being a fight, I have Chloe and I have Boo, but I am an adult and to talk about my pets as family may not be right.

So, when is enough enough, and when it is enough, what do I do so to not lose everything and hurt loved ones.

Ugh

Ideas.

(Crap, from other posts, you can see I cannot even figure out how to eat correctly, I am a mess).

HELP NEUROTALK!!!!