My daughter told me over the weekend that she heard my son was using drugs. I had friends come and help me raid his room on Sunday morning. We went in there planning to put the smack down on and instead found that he had taken a ton of drugs and was trying to kill himself.

"Mommy, I think I got really close this time." ... THIS TIME? I guess that was attempt EIGHT. Six in the last three weeks. I am hoping he was trying to get my attention more than anything, there were enough pills in his room that he could have suceeded if he really wanted to do so. He told the doctor he hadn't moved to a different method because he was afraid of the pain. He told me not to confuse his getting drugs with recreational use, he was gathering them with one purpose in mind.

He was admitted inpatient, after 36 hours in emergency, and has now been there three nights. I am afraid to go back today. He was SO depressed yesterday. He said he didn't understand why he was there as they left him sitting in his room all day. When I asked why there was no therapy or anything happening, they said they don't force them to do anything and where they are suppose to be is posted on the wall.

On a good day, he isn't a self starter. When he is at rock bottom, there is no way. No one has talked him into taking a shower (guessing it has been 6 days). No one is encouraging him to come out and attend various groups. There have been NO changes to his meds. We were in the middle of med changes because we were aware things were not going as well as they should be. The level of meds in his system are very low right now because he was suppose to start new meds after lowering the dose on the others. Alas, that has not even happened.

I left him last night refusing food and begging me not to leave him there, that it was just making things worse. I know that is the best place for him now but it was all I could do to leave him there.