My spine issues began almost 6 years ago. Spine fusion/laminectomy. Surgeon said he had never seen such a red angry nerve being crushed. Having the surgery may have helped from never being able to walk. Not sure. Just a lot of pain that didn't stop though. Eventually needed a cane to help take pressure off spine. Then bladder surgery done by a very incompetent urogolist that really caused the PN to go into edema, statsis dermatatis and the awful burning of feet and ankle and leg pain as well. No more vacations; unable to drive, etc. My life had changed drastically. I, so often felt like I really did not want to go on.

I have a framed photo of my painting of the Divine Mercy on my nightstand. Every night I hold out my hands, while praying and give it "all to God". My fears, anxiety, pain and suffering, asking God to give me the strength and courage to cope and accept all that he has permitted to happen to me.

I still have my days; always will....but gradually, I realized others needed me. Even though my children are married adults. How they still need their Mom. Started trying to be more cheerful, joke and smile in spite of the awful pain. I realized I had only been thinking of myself, letting this eat away at me; especially those in the medical profession; they weren't worth making myself even more sick and depressed.

Then one day...Eva...it was like a cloud lifted and okay; no more vacations, no more of this and that; but "dear God; help me make the most of each and every day You give me". This was the life I have now and try not to dwell on what I can no longer do; but what I can do. What I no longer have; but do have. I also work hard at not living in the fear of what tomorrow may bring. By doing this, I am making tomorrow happen today. Today is enough without living in "fear" of tomorrow. We each really only have today. And when the tomorrows do come.... they might be filled with good things. For now....let's just get thru today!!!

Eva, you have taken up your "cross" and are carrying it along with Jesus. I hear and feel it in all your posts. You are now even closer with your family than ever. I know addiction; my middle daughter suffered from cocaine addiction. She is now counseling and sponsoring many of those suffering from addiction. I know your son is battleing the disease of addiction. He so needs his mother. You have shown him that recovery is possible.

Eva....your family needs you and you are such a gift to all you come in contact with. We here on NT are fortunate you have found us. You have given so many of us the knowledge that in spite of pain and suffering that;
God is Good
God is Love
God is Hope
God is present with us
here and always will be

Thank you Jesus for our dear Eva.

(Gerry)