I understand your despair.

I had a similar experience 33 years ago. Plus, for about 3+ years after my severe concussion in 1965, I had these episodes from time to time. My concern for how it would affect my mother kept me alive.

Back in 1996, after a pretty good conk to my head when I stood up under a solid beam, I was struggling with head aches and insomnia. My doctor gave be a prescription for Periactin (cyproheptadine). It is an antihistamine that has sedating effects.

The morning after taking the Periactin, I woke up to the most horrible and miserable depression I have ever experienced. It was the longest day of my life. I did not take it that night and was fine the next morning. I called my neuro and reported my experience. He agreed that it was likely the Periactin. Now, I include it in the list of meds that I am allergic to.

If we can just make it through that day, we can reach out for help.

Hope you have a god evening with family.

My best to you.