My son can be too easily suggestible and can have poor judgement, even though he is actually quite intelligent. His speech therapist says he is getting a little better with each session about communication, and I have definitely seen this every time, but only for the day, then the next day he is "incommunicado" again. She says he is doing amazing and is very bright, but it will take a very long time for him to "open up" and get his thoughts out.

The last 3 nights he has been taking 3 mg of Melatonin to help him sleep better. It seems to make him groggy though and naps all day. So today I found him a sleep aid with 1.5 mg, and a bit of lemon balm, lavender. Welllll the box says take one. He took two! Why?? Because... the box goes on to say "take another IF DESIRED." He desired another one simply because "the box says so"!!!

He's used this kind of unsafe "reasoning" a few times. Scares the bejeebies out of me! He also still thinks he is ready to go back to work. If he does, he'll be fired and lose his insurance.

He is so resentful of me watching over him and he is trying to shut me out. I understand that it's "not cool" to need taking care of and he just wants to be normal. He just wants to think nothing is wrong with him. Denial...

I'm trying so hard to not upset him that I don't talk about things much with him. I've never been much of a talker anyway. I've no idea how to get things across to him, or even WHAT to get across to him, without him rejecting what I say just because I'm "mom". He doesn't want to trust me. I'm standing in his way between him and the rest of the world. We're both sliding into depression. His doctor is awful and it takes 3 weeks to get an appointment with another.

I'm terrified that some day, sooner or later, he's going to make a very bad judgement about something based on some inappropriate "concrete" suggestion, e.g. seeing something on TV, and do himself a lot of harm. Or that someone will offer him drugs and he'll take it. Bound to happen here in Northern California! And I think someone at his work was his MJ source before his accident. It's just too "easy" around here. I also worry that this may be why he's so anxious to go back to work.

I'm realizing that he really does need a more controlled environment, that I cannot always provide for him, not by myself. I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks. We are totally alone, there is noone else to look after him when I do. The only good thing is that I work evenings so hopefully he'll wind down and go to sleep at dark instead of escaping and finding trouble... which I'm afraid he'll do anyway sooner or later.

I wish I could just up and scramble outta here, but I'm tied down to the house and job and relocating would take several months. And if we did, WHERE TO?!?! Not to mention that it would probably be too late.

If something does happen to him, it will be alllllll on me for overlooking something. Just like when he hit his head and couldn't tell me, and I missed the signs thinking he was just drinking and hungover -- which he was and it masked his symptoms. I will never ever ever get over that pure scalding unthinkable horror and guilt!!!!! And to think that something else is likely to eventually happen again!!!!!!!

Whaaaat am I going to do??? I'm gonna lose him someday, again, and totally... How can either of us survive this?? How do I handle my son's bad reasoning and poor judgment?? I am sooooo terrified!