wendroo,

I am sorry you are struggling so. I have three adult children who are similar in age to your son. It is a losing game to hold yourself responsible for his behavior. Your chance to influence his behavior ended at least 15 years ago.

He needs to stand and fall on his own. Whether it's alcohol or mj, he needs to make those decisions. It he can get mj or other stuff at work, tell the authorities and let them handle it. OSHA may be the authority to call. Or the WC carrier or Cal Dept of Labor.

But, you are Mom. You have no power.

He may need to spend a night in jail or some other uncomfortable place then be held accountable by a Judge or drug court.

Either way, he needs to make the decisions.

I wish there was a solution to soften the impact his behaviors has on you, but there are not.

So, you have a choice to make. Are you going to take control of the things you can control? Your life. Your future. Your retirement. Your household.

By taking care of yourself, you will be in a better condition to help when he decides he wants help.

Hope you can find the strength to stand up for yourself.

My best to you.