Oh gosh...

I wonder if I can say to Hippiechick that's I'm so very sorry to hear of the passing of your Father-in-law. Words and emoticons on a screen as I type do not ever seem to convey my true response. I understand your feeling of not wanting to leave him alone even after death. That is absolutely not 'crazy' at all. You musn't think it crazy. It's natural. It's good you're a close family. That will surely help you all through this grief together.

I wonder if I can tell Hippiechick that I used to have trouble getting close to others as well. Still do mostly but not like when I was young. That was because of horrible loss especially of my mother when I was very tiny child and father when I was a teen. Then it just sort of kept going. Loss after loss. I'm also glad that these days I feel, well I actually feel a little ambivalent in truth, but mostly I feel a lot of love flows from me as you describe and the tears... well, the tears are good. They are an outlet. Not sure any of us look pretty when we cry. I don't believe we're meant to look pretty when we cry. It's never about how we look. It's about what's inside.