Hi swingwing and welcome. Sorry to hear about how your brother’s injury is impacting not only him but the rest of the family. As a TBI survivor (also with subdural hematoma with diffuse subarachnoid hemorrhage) I can relate to an extent; I desperately wanted my old life back, and for a time was convinced my deficits were relatively minor and just getting back to my former routine would solve everything. That said, with help, I was able to see that things weren’t “quite right” (I was devastated when my clinical neuropsychologist wouldn't sign a return to work release) so I continued with my therapies.

While you probably can’t force him to see his deficits, the other things you mention (showing him his inpatient and outpatient discharge reports where they clearly say he has far to go, giving examples where he recognizes he has trouble doing things now that used to be easy for him, etc.) certainly won’t hurt; if he keeps hearing specific examples he may come around; that was helpful for me.

I agree with Mark that for your and your parents benefit, attending a TBI support group would be helpful. With interactive discussion and dialog with others with experience dealing with loved ones with TBI, you can make a better informed decision to your question “Do I have no choice but to let him go discover his deficits on his own”.

Here is a book you may want to read, it’s written by the spouse of a severe TBI survivor: Where is the Mango Princess? by Cathy Crimmins

Best to all of you on this journey.