Couldn't agree more with you all.
I know what l should be eating, but sticking to it is the hard part l guess.
Trust me l am at my normal weight for height. I look normal. Mind you l am probably and have been always one of the skinniest mums in the schools. Its the compliments l always get from people, that feeds this problem. I don't want to care what people think of me, and l don't' want to care if l gain weight. I just want to be healthy and happy. But this is much easier said than done. Trying very hard to break this thought process. Because really its the mind talk that l need to ignore, and not pay attention to it, if l am going to break this. Each day l say, right next week, l am going to eat 3 meals per day for a month and see how l feel, you know that week never comes. The fear of weight gain is too great.

The naturopath l saw 2 years ago, revised an eating plan for me, on what l should eat each day. Its the best plan l have ever seen.
Its full of seeds, and protein especially eggs, root vegetable, leaf vegetables, 1/2 an avocado each day, tahinni, bean, legumes, and dairy and no more than 2 pieces of fruit a day. I should includes these food daily. It all looks good on paper, but when l need to actually eat all this each day, l think l would weigh 200kg. I would have to buy myself size 20 clothing. I would love to eat this way each day, and l must admit l have improved, edging myself closer and closer, but sometimes the fear of weight gain overrides and l go back to my old habits, as its safe there, and its familiar territory.

When l told the naturopath about my fears of gaining on her plan, she said l won't gain weight, it all about portion control. My body needs this daily for nutrients and health.
You see the problem is l am just not that hungry. I need to force myself to eat 3 meals per day. Even if l do get hungry l starve till dinner time because that is what l set out to do. If l just said to myself to eat when l am hungry and eat healthy and stuck with it without trying to control it or think about it, l would be better off. Yesterday when l my jeans didn't fit, l thought, well thats it l need to go back to eating one meal per day. I have over done it lately. I was in a bit of a panic.

I do have body image issues, its no secret, and l just wish l could let it all go and just think about my nerves and heal them and stop thinking about all this weight stuff. Slowly is the key, and even though l think l am not making progress, compared to this time last year, l have made huge amounts progress. Last year l wouldn't even eat an apple as it wasn't part of my eating plan.

Yesterday l ate loads of food:
Breakfast: 2 eggs, big piece of grain toast with low salt vegemite.Its an australian spread with loads of B vitamins.
Again wasn't hungry only ate because my little girl wanted me to eat breakfast with her.

Lunch: actually was a bit hungry, Smoothie with 1 huge avocado, 1 tbs tahhinni, 1 tbs camp maple syrup, 1 cup of lite milk. This is what l felt like, It was yummy, but l felt so guilty afterwards. I could see my butt, growing bigger and bigger.

Dinner: Not hungry at all, could have easily skipped it. But again, had to sit with my family and eat otherwise the girls would ask why l am not eating with them.
My daughter wanted me to make this dish, normally l would only eat protein and salad for dinner.
Made wonton soup. Made my own wontons, with lean chicken mince, and Australian prawns. In the soup, was chicken stock(l use the one with the least amount of MSG, as l think they all have MSG.) Lite soy sauce, oyster sauce, and all kinds of vegetables, with rice noodles.
You know l was so full after eating dinner, l thought l was going to pop. I don't normally use sauces like this as l am afraid of MSG, but last night was an exception.

9pm- l had my hot choc made for lite milk and raw cocoa with cinnamon.

I had the best sleep last night and l feel better today than l did in a long time.

This is not my typical eating day. I normally eat one meal per day. During the week its only lean protein and salad, and my hot chocolate at night. Weekends, l eat whatever at night, but still one meal per day. I usually eat more nuts on weekends and l do allow myself treats, only on weekends. But during the week l limit myself quiet strictly.

So there you have it.

Hope all this makes sense.

Sue