Well, here I am again.

It has been several months since my last post and my last concussion. After that last post, I decided not to follow my neurologist's orders and did not take the muscle relaxer she had prescribed because my PCP and I were both nervous about the effects that it would have on me. About 2 months after that, my PCS symptoms disappeared completely and life went back to normal...until last week. I suffered my 7th concussion last Thursday. I can't tell you how embarrassed and foolish I feel that this has happened again. I really fought the urge to even see a doctor because I knew what they would tell me but after a week of my fiance trying to convince me, I went to the ER. They told me what I already knew and said the same thing they always do, "you really need to be more careful." They of course couldn't give me a CT scan since I've had too many, so I just went home and dealt with the pain. I haven't told anyone about this except for my fiance. I didn't miss a day of work either because as usual, I was helping to cover for other people, and I honestly don't wanna hear anything they'd have to say about it, because I know people wouldn't understand. I also always worry about the fact that people will just think I'm lying when I say I've had another concussion. After telling people about my 2nd concussion a couple of years ago, my co-workers told me, "it's just a headache", so I made the choice to not even bother anymore.

I've become so good at putting on a front that no one even notices anything's wrong. I even try to take on extra work so as to not look like I'm slacking. My fiance says I've been confused and forgetful, and I've noticed that I do seem a little scatter-brained at work but I just have to keep going. I know it's probably the worst thing I could do for myself and I definitely pay for it at the end of the day but honestly, its better than what everyone would say if they knew.

My symptoms this time have been similar to the previous times. My sleep has been pretty good this time though, which helps. The confusion part is always the hardest to deal with because it scares me. I've also had this metallic taste in my mouth from time to time. I know other people have mentioned that they get that too.

I'm scheduled to go back to my neurologist next week and I'm looking forward to following up with her, even though I didn't agree with what we discussed last time. I figure I'll try her out again and if I'm unhappy for the second time, I'll go see someone else.

I guess I'm not sure how I feel. I'm angry and sad that this has happened again, and feel somewhat alone because I feel like I can't tell anyone I know about this.

Right now I'm just looking forward to having a restful weekend, and trying to heal.