Dear Burton

i'm really sorry about your situation. keep working on your internal boundaries. when you visit the family, minimize time with her, and avoid any time alone with her as that is her best time to strike at you - no witnesses... everything can be chalked up to your "impressions" etc bla bla you probably know this from experience.

in general, for visits, try to arm yourself beforehand with ways not to let her NONsense get to you, as it sounds like you will have some interaction with her as part of the rest of the family.

Examples:

• repeat self-affirming mantra in your head while engaging with her
• repeat to yourself in your head "everything she says is a manipulation"
• hum a tune in your head while she is speaking?

i dunno just throwing stuff out there. i do feel for you.

as for her, it is hard to feel COMpassion for a person who has no real passion... no empathy and narcissists do not. but think of what she is missing in life... think what an empty life hers is... from there, if you can bring yourself to feel pity for her that might put you in a stronger psychological position to deal, for now. Pity is not an altruistic emotion, but i think it may be a useful stepping stone here, to neutralize the effect of "strength" she attempts to project.

When your boundaries are stronger, you may find you can also feell compassion for her, without a need for engagement beyond the strict minimum to preserve the ties that are truly dear to you.

you owe her nothing. do please remember that. she didn't save you from suicide you saved yourself in spite of her. and kudos for that.

my best wishes Burton. (((hugs))) to you too.

~ waves ~