Last March I was involved in a head-on collision. The other driver lost control of her vehicle and slid into my lane. I had no time to respond - my foot never lifted off the gas pedal. She was driving 85km/hr and I was going 80km/hr. Speed limit was 80. I was never actually officially diagnosed with a concussion, but my broken nose would say otherwise. The airbag deployed or I probably wouldn't be here today. I also had a laceration to my knee (caused by my keychain of all things) that required reconstructive surgery, and severe whiplash. They thought I had a broken neck but x-rays and MRI confirmed it was just tissue damage.

In the days post-accident, I had severe nausea and frequent vomiting, severe dizziness and headaches. In the next few weeks I had severe memory loss (mostly short-term). I know I am using the word 'severe' lots here but it's true

I am still struggling with lingering effects. My neck is screwed up beyond words, my knee aches regularly, and my nose is still sensitive - but those are the least of my problems. I continue to have significant memory loss, which negatively affected my grades when I returned to school in the Fall. I went from a 3.9GPA to a 3.0. I failed an exam for the first time in the program. I ended up needing the help of a tutor just to pass the courses.

I now use a daily planner to remember my schedule, something I never needed before. I have (sometimes severe) fatigue, to the point where I almost literally fall asleep on my feet. Difficulty concentrating, mood swings, depression-to a point, sensitivity to noises, "zoning" out. I actually had a bizarre episode yesterday where I zoned out at work while staring at my pen, apparently I did this for several seconds and then continued on as if nothing happened with no recollection of it.

I haven't seen a neurologist, or any doctor for any of this. I've been in denial for a very long time, even with my mother nagging at me about this. I didn't want to accept it, because I just wanted it to go away... I've felt like an idiot for so long because of the mistakes I make on a daily basis, and the things that I forget... I constantly wonder (....and wow, I looked away for a second and now I can't remember how I was going to finish that sentence.)

My defense for not going to see any doctors is that even if I do have PCS, what are they going to do for it, really? I don't want to go on antidepressants, I don't think I'm that bad enough. But these are excuses.

I know I have more symptoms... but I can't think of them right now. Thanks for just letting me vent...