Oh dear Sinéad, you are beloved among us, for you bring the reality to home so openly and freely. It is that openness which endears you to all of us. [and no, I could not just write this in an email, because I am sensitive to your husband and his feelings] You hurt. You are in agony. You try doctor after doctor, and are refused, reminding me of my original unsuccessful quest through pain doc's recommendations to find a surgeon. Cast out because I AM A LAWYER. Bah!!

Then there was a young neurosurgeon, who, too late in my case took on the treatment of my lower spine. He did wondrous work, then later another surgery was performed by him to remove vertebral spur from the fusion outgrowth [I produce bone like some other produce scar tissue] then carefully, ever so carefully removed scarring from my spinal cord and nerve roots at S1. [oh yes, I generate scars like a veritable factory] Then his job was done. Pain doc's quest to manage pain via meds came next.

You know that story all too well, so lets delve into what you introduce. Irritability, increased weight [75 lbs to be exact] oh the word attractive, interesting how it is an issue for both sexes and yet each denies the issue as to the other. But, clothing, now that is a reality.... none of the clothes tailored for me at 225 lbs. my optimal weight when I was athletic, strong, big by genome..... none fit now, so gotta lose weight ultimately. Yup. I remember being prisoner to our bedroom in pain because meds took off the edge NOT the pain, while making me dopey [a character in some children's film].

So being drugged produced a mind reduced in capability [I did not even drive], a body swelled beyond its common bounds, drowsiness overwhelming, AND the coup de gras - suicidal ideation When weaning away from the med dependence was all but complete. Oh yes, how I despise meds. Necessary, I suppose. Tasteful, not in the least, and I CANNOT IMAGINE ANYONE who is reduced to the black market to obtain mind altering mood altering substances which are controlled for a reason.

Thus, here am I, off the meds, still overweight, and oh yes, since meds also produce some effect of stifling testosterone especially when used over a long period of time, that once muscular chest is now an item of concern for my pain doc, and embarrassment to me. Cloaked am I. Buying athletic underwear at Sports Stores for its compression factor. HAH!! And when I was a kid, people used to poke fun at older guys like me wondering whether they needed a %@$ , yeah, I would say attractiveness has gone to H e L L in a handbasket, all courtesy of the pharmeceutical world. Hallelujah. I am so blessed my dear wife loves me for the person who is living behind the overweight and misshapen mask of moi.

There you go,
An answer from a friend,
Mark56