Hi,

I'm new to this website and am in search of anything and anyone who may understand what I'm feeling and may have some insight, recommendations, or even just some words of hope.

Short summary:
*Treatment resistant depression since 2006 - just started Viibryd

*History of 2 head injuries (fell off couch as child, and fainted and fell straight back on tile floor)

*May 5, 2012 sustained head injury while tubing behind our boat - must have been going so fast that when I fell off, I felt like I skipped like a rock on the water which felt like cement
**Immediate symptoms: unsure if I lost consciousness, I didn't move for at least 5 minutes and just floated there in the water, lost both of my contact lenses, bruised both eyes and eye sockets, pounding headache, felt very light headed and weak.
**Symptoms 7 hours later: Random bouts of nausea and dizziness, randomly lose my footing while walking
**24 hours later: Just didn't feel welland saw spots in my vision of right eye
**Two days later (May 7): went to eye doctor - have vitrious floaters in right eye
**Since then: random but few severe right-sided headaches, right side of body "just feels different," random loss of coordination, frequent delay and slowing of reaction time (hitting curbs while driving, swerve into other lanes and catch myself at last minute, running my shopping cart into the aisle and objects), randomly and frequently forget train of thought in middle of conversation and have no recollection of what I was talking about, and extremely labile moodiness.
**Labile moodiness: I will wake up with goals and a list of what I need to do and within an instant will go downhill and end up sleeping most of the day. I'll have moments where have a great mood and then immediately followed by depressed mood, feeling of hopelessness, fatigue, anger, frustration.
*May 14: Went to eye doctor because woke up with a grey veil or film in my vision of right eye. Eye doctor cleared me and said eye was fine. However, I still felt really weak, severe headache on right side, and weird sensation on right side of body (not weakness or tingling, just felt different). So went to the emergency room for CT scan.

*CT scan: no hemorrhage or anything was seen. Only thing the report said was "DIFFUSE INVOLUTIONAL CHANGES SEEN THAT ARE BEYOND EXPECTED FOR PATIENT'S AGE"

Today:
Tried getting into neurologist office but no one can seem to get me in till mid June! I don't want to wait! The emergency room was USELESS and the ER doctor didn't really know what the "involutional changes" mean or are indicative of. REALLY!? Negative feelings are consuming most of my day. I will try to pull myself together and go out for the day, but will end up meandering through a store just staring off into space. Ended up driving across town this morning in hopes of going to the bookstore and maybe shopping for some summer outfits. I ended up just wandering through one store and just decided to go home and slept for another 4 hours till 5pm.

I am tired. I want to get better. There are so many things I want to do with my life, but healthcare is useless! There are so many people in it for the wrong reasons. The fact that I have to wait 3 weeks to get an appointment anywhere is infuriating. What sets me off the edge is the emergency room and how they didn't want to do any other tests other than a CT scan. The neuro exam done by the physician was a joke. After the CT scan I just wanted to get out of there. However today I just want to find a better hospital and check myself in. I want a thorough workup. I want people to do their job and care about how I am feeling.

After 6 years of treatment resistant depression, I'm now exhausted more than ever and just want one thing to go right with my health. But it just seems to be declining slowly, which for a 30 year old should not be happening. I don't want to go to work anymore. Being alone seems to make things worse. When my fiance is home with me, I want to be better so badly that I just try to be better...which actually works. But the minute he leaves for out of town, it is a slow decline to what I feel today. I'm now taking Viibryd and have tried a number of stimulants like Adderall and Nuvigil to help with my chronic fatigue. I have to stop those due to the palpitations. So, if anyone is going through anything similar I'd love to hear from you.

If I can come up with some money, I was thinking of making an appointment with the Amen Clinic in Reston Virginia. I have read Dr Amen's books on SPECT imaging and don't know if maybe this would be worth a shot.

Anyways, it was nice to get all this out. Hope to hear from someone.
Cristina