I think I am figuring some things out.

1. if my DH were to go away or something were to happen our marriage, as much as I love this dear man, i would NEVER have another man in my life. I think I would troll the gay bars till I found a good woman. Women tend to take better care of each other, and meet their emotional level needs better than woman/man couple in my not so humble opinion. I feel like I am ALWAYS compromising and waiting for it to be MY turn! I have been married 25 years this year, and while he is an amazing husband, he is making me crazy! He retired and is ALWAYS under my feet. I have no privacy or alone time. and when he is near I am always up and having to perform. im tired!

2. I would get a dog. We lost our dear MaggieMoon about 5 years ago. While my cats are wonderful and I have poured alot of love into them, I miss the dog. She was a reason to force me out for a walk.

3. I already eat great, and exercise every chance I get, BUT I would take a Karate class or swim lessons at the Y, or bowling! I love bowling and cant get anyone to go with me. BINGO! i love bingo but no one wants to go. I think one of my problems is that I am lonely. I had amazing friends, but like any other friends when someone has a long term illness, they tend to wander off. Some faster than others, but in the end 99% of them go. The ones that stay have their own lives to lead and cannot fill the hole the others left.

4. Even tho I really struggle with my family, I would take more time to go visit. NOT stay in their house, but drop in on a vacation to visit.

5. I would MOVE! I HATE HATE HATE this neighborhood! We moved into a wonderful house, that sits lake side, and we thought WOW! we have made it! This is how the other half lives. These folks are CRAZY! They bicker, argue, gossip, backbite, and nit pick till you want to scream UNCLE! I have one of them on a special ring on my phone, so I know without looking its her calling to tell me how back her life is. PLEASE go sit in your winter homes and leave me alone!

and finally 6. I know that I need to accept this disease, and roll with the punches, not fight against them. Some how I think rolling with them makes me a quitter, and therefore I fight. I know how to do cancer. You FIGHT! and fight hard! with MS you have to relax and let it be. if you fight it, it gets angry and wakes up. I need to find that fine balance between living my life, and allowing the monster time to sleep.

So... after a few days of rest and reflection this is what I came up with.