I so agree with Pamster and Bizi. and I am so angry..I AM SO PROUD OF YOU...YOU ARE WALKING NOW IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. it is so hard to restore ones self image after so much abuse. You know you are loved here by many people who are good people. We so care about you. I don't know what your early childhood was like and if you mother was loving then or she was still sadistic.
You said your father had a drinking problem and I don't know when that started. Try to start remembering of the people who really appreciate you now and then and start from there. I think being bipolar makes us prone to view the negative because physiologically we have so many emotions running rampant and a lot are negative. Then we ascribe those negative emotions towards ourselves. Start looking in the mirror and start telling yourself what a loving person you are and how brave you are with what life has been shelling out to you. If you want to feel initially sorry for yourself that is fine but please focus how brave you are and how you did everything in your power to try to make things right. Maybe you are an imperfect perfectionist too and are now forced into taking another direction towards loving yourself, nurturing yourself and putting yourself first without feeling selfish.
You can't fight sadistic people, especially if your heart is gentle but I do hope you feel some rage...There is no excuse for your mother's behavior...none whatsoever. She never deserved you as a daughter. Deep down she might feel like a real rat..or worse..I would put money down on worse. She has dug such a hole maybe she can never acknowledge what you truly deserve..unconditional love and thensome.
Bobby