I think anyone with red reaches a point where we ask ˝how can I do this FOREVER?" Moments where we feel we've reached our limit emotionally and physically.
Its a scary place to be..
You need to reach out for help and asap. Your life is too precious to give up on. Right now I'm sure it feels like it will always be this bad.. but you have to believe there will be days that are good as well as hard.
I think having a therapist is a huge help. Just talking about what you are going through can help. Holding in emotional pain can make physical pain worse. Don't be afraid to try an antidepressant if you need. Many of us are on them here.
Don't give up! You are precious and you are here for a reason. Believe it!