Hi MrsD,

I'm exactly three months off of Prozac. I had to stop it as in October 2011, I tried to updose 5mg to 10mg. I did fine for a couple days, then things got worse. I got suicidal feelings, was very dizzy, nauseous, couldn't think, and had horrible confusion spells. It was a severe adverse reaction. I tried going back down to 5 mg, but in December I would still get these episodes. I tapered to around 2mg by mid February, but my nervous system felt like it was in a state of shock and pain (I'm now wondering if this was more low B12 related, but I will never know), that I decided I had to get off. I actually got on the Prozac in early 2011 to get me off 37.5 mg of Effexor Xr that I had spent years tapering from 300 mg! Needless to say, I have been in medication hell for the last several years.

I'm in a lot of therapy. I see my therapist several times a week. My money is almost gone (I'm single - no parents to take care of me, don't make much money either and have actually been in the red month-to-month for several years now), so I pay copays to her when I can. I am actually going to stop seeing my neurologist. One point - I don't like him. He wanted me back on psych meds saying I can't go on without them and he wanted me on a high dose of prednisone too. Secondly, I can't afford it. I'm getting medical bills in the mail that I didn't expect I'd get (I have insurance, but they're not covering everything).

I'm scared I have MS. My nerves hurt and it comes and goes. I get dizzy. My appetite is gone. I have frequent urination. I have spots in my vision. But I read all these can be symptoms of both SSRI adverse reactions and withdrawal and also b12 deficiency.

I had a good night last week Monday. A VERY good night. I felt almost like me again, that is, the me of 10 years ago, before psych meds. It gave me hope. But now I'm riddled with health anxiety, worried that I'm going to die, scared of this B12 deficiency business and worried that it has gone on for years (I thought everything I had been feeling over the last five years was related to these nasty psych drugs). I have a brother and aunt and uncle in Wisconsin, where I'm from, but that's it. Not sure how much they'd help me out if things became worse. Hope they don't.

Anyway, I am doing the therapy. I love my therapist and wish she were my medical doctor (she is so thorough and knows more than most therapists about drugs and vitamins/nutrients). She's been through a lot neurologically speaking. Has lost myelin sheath on an entire side of her body basically from getting a virus when she was in dental school. She was paralyzed for years but somehow it healed and came back and she can move those areas just fine - gives me hope for my minor nerve damage areas in comparison. She also had an adverse reaction to a drug so understands my fears. So, I have a good therapist. I live with roommates. Our lease ends soon and I am moving in with another friend and hopefully he'll be OK with how I am. He knows how i am but I'm worried he's not aware of just how bad I am in this state. I see improvements but they are so short-lived. And then there is the constant worrying and fear of another illness going on, but now I'm really out of resources to pursue more. People on an antidepressant support forum that I'm a part of tell me that I have health anxiety and that I really need to stop with the googling of diseases and seeing doctors. My therapist says I don't have MS and asks me if I really want to pursue this she knows top MS doctors in AZ and asks me "do you really want to have MS?" Of course I don't! I just want to know that I'm not getting it. But, given what I have been through with an adverse reaction to ssri, ssri withdrawal (now) and low B12, all of which can mimic it. I even saw that neurologist and he didn't make mention of it. In fact - he focused more on my anxiety than anything!

I pray to God, almost everyday, but not quite. I go to church. I call my aunt and uncle. I talk to my coworkers about what's going on. But day-to-day life is very hard right now. Hard to eat, VERY hard to think. I am in school because I took out massive student loans and can't afford to pay them back yet. I thought by now I'd have car and other stuff paid off and I never in a million years thought I'd get this sick. I sleep well, thank God. So, I sleep a lot. I walk. About all the exercise I can handle. I don't really know what else to do. My therapist has me on all these nutritious foods. No more caffeine (of course), no more alcohol. The worst thing I eat are these little dough things called Rugulach (never heard of it before till I met her) which has helped me gain some weight.

It's just hard not to worry about the nerve pains. I even had some sharp ones in my eye. Saw an eye doctor as an emergency - nothing wrong! Spots she said were normal and probably just floaters. Bloodwork is always normal from all these doctors.

sorry this is so long. It's just I feel so trapped in all these situations, you know? I'm 30! I want to be living life, looking for and working towards a career of some sort, a better job and better life, so that I can pay back my loans, live on my own, take care of myself, be who I want to be drug free! I didn't ask for Effexor XR withdrawals leading me to Prozac, which after several months eventually gave me an adverse reaction upon updosing. I also wish I had known about my B12 deficiency much earlier. I'm wondering if high folate has masked it for a long time, causing the damage but not making it apparent to me.

The website I belong to is www.paxilprogress.org. They're very supportive.

Anyway, that's what I'm going through, a bit of history, and what I'm doing for it. Thanks for asking. Very thoughtful of you.

Jason