Dear Bobby
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Originally Posted by mymorgy
the dinner went very well. it was just alice and me and two drinks of sangria. I told her i was blessed to have her as a friend and blessed to have her help. she said she was thankful for being able to give it to me. we argued over whether i was dumb or not. I have been feeling very dumb lately and she said no i wasn't and that was one of the reasons she liked me. that was sort of funny.
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you are very smart Bobby.
Depression likes to tell us we are dumb. And it likes to make us sort of not as with it too, so that we aren't up to our usual selves and sometimes slip up and then we point fingers and think we have proof of being dumb, when allllll along... it's one of Depression's mean tricks. One of the meanest. I'm so glad you and Alice have each other.
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my friend kathy,one of my oldest friends since childhood called and wished me a happy birthday. she is going on a trip to Utah to her husband to the national parks. she made me laugh. her husband is a celloist and went round trip to california with his cello having its own seat and collecting frequent miles. they used the cello's frequent miles as part of the deal. I could just imagine the cello with the beret. they called it cell and their last name. the cello even received mail!
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i love it!
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another friend invited me out so I will be going celebrating three more times.
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confused... unless this friend is taking you out 3 times? don't worry, you don't need to explain. I am glad to hear you are definitely going out again... three times gladder if it's three times lol.
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I skipped the senior center today. I was just too depressed.
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i'm sorry. i know what you mean. past two days i've not been good either. this is a complicated time and it might take a little while for the Zoloft to work.
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Originally Posted by mymorgy
thanks Waves
I feel so ungrateful.
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do you mean you don't feel grateful, but believe you should feel grateful? are you placing expectations on your feelings? i know it's hard, but try not to do that. sometimes we just feel the way we feel and that's it. sometimes we don't have it in us to feel more, you know? tonight i ate dinner that my mom cooked. she put some sort of spice mix i didn't like on the turkey, which was also overdone. i didn't complain, and i kept thinking to myself, beggars can't be choosers - i should be grateful. i wasn't. but that line of thinking certaiinly did NOT increase my inclination towards gratitude!!!
I've been feeling angry and resentful and some ugly things. but you know, they are just feelings. I probably need to pay attention to these. We can't eradicate feelings we don't like any more than a tiger can pull out its fangs. And we can't force ourselves to feel something we don't, any more than we can grow a third arm. Feelings are part of being human, at the best and worst of times. Depression is the worst of times. But in any circumstance, you can acknowledge how you feel. You might not like it, and that's ok - something to acknowledge also. You can also remind yourself it is just where you are at,
right now. But
remember, you have felt other things before, things you like, and you will feel them again. You will be able to feel grateful again Bobby. It may be "temporarily disabled" - like Depression tripped a breaker or something.
You are still you, and you are a good soul, Bobby. Love you lots.
(((hugs)))
~ waves ~