It's very nice to meet you. I am glad you found this site, and I hope you use it to the fullest to help with your problems. What you are feeling is not an unusual thing. I know that many times I have felt like I've become a totally negative force in the world, and that the best thing I could do for everyone else would be to "unplug myself".

It's so hard when the pain just goes on and on, with no visible end. Everyone treats you differently, whether they mean to or not. But I hope you can still see yourself as a living, breathing human being who is part of this world. You are special because you are unique, and I hope you remember that always.

I think that often the physical misery does flip a switch in your mind. One of my doctors told me once that he doesn't see how a person could be in pain for years at a time and not have serious pychologic repercussions from it. It made a lot of sense to me, and changed how I looked at myself. If you ever need to talk about your experience, or how awful it makes you feel inside, then please do so. I truly believe that it helps. You can post on any forum here, or if you wish to keep something more private there are members you can send a PM to, and who would gladly give whatever help they can. That includes me as well. I wish you all the best wishes I have, and I really hope you can find a way to come to terms with who you are now. That is so important.

Good Luck To You!
Idealist