Hi Sarayuwx, Welcome.
Everything you've shared -- the stress, heartbreak, compassion, anxiety, sensations, reactions, and frustration -- all sounds very... human, and familiar to this group.
You've been through a lot, and while the stress, etc. may have been contributing factors, they are not the cause, and if the cause is something in the past (work, injury, natural aging) it really doesn't matter -- we can't change the past, we are where we are now, and we can only go forward from wherever that is. It is unfortunate that (seemingly -- you didn't really say, so I'm guessing) no-one told you that the surgery may not help the pain, and that you had to go through all that anyway, but that's one of those things that cannot be changed/taken back, so let's go from NOW.
Have you been through post-surgical/rehab PT, and are you in Pain Management? Do you have a Physiatrist? (Maybe both in one.) Does your husband go to doctor visits with you, and ask questions? These are rhetorical questions, and meant as possible suggestions to help.
Before trading in your SUV, try test-driving any prospective replacements. Most cars have blind spots, so you may just be trading your current blind spots for other different ones. Also check safety equipment & records, paying special attention to neck/whiplash protection in fender-benders.
You're on a journey through a life-changing event, and we all hope you will recover fully, but that may still take some time & effort, and realities must be considered/faced. Did you take a look at the stages of grief during the period with your dad? Those stages and their effects can also apply to life-changing events like surgery. You may have to moderate/slow down -- even more than originally anticipated -- with the active stuff until you've healed/rehabilitated more. That's another thing they may have neglected to tell you -- realistic recuperation times. It's only 3 months, and it may take a year (hopefully not, but folks here, either directly or by reviewing past discussion threads, may give you a better idea of expectations and experiences) -- you may still have some road to travel, and your family needs to understand this.
Your husband especially, but the family (those old enough) needs to talk to someone, or someone needs to talk to them. This is one of those times when families need to/should rally together,
understand, pitch-in & take up the slack, and do whatever is necessary to help out/support mom & get her back on her feet,
and/or deal with whatever is ahead -- physically, psychologically, emotionally. You're still a whole person, and deserve to be treated like one.
No-one can ever truly understand what another person is feeling or going through except another who has experienced the same. This applies equally to support groups and to families for the same reason --
shared experiences/history. We (human beings) need both; both are integral parts of our
support networks.
I'm not sure what all kind of answers there are, or your choices either, but I am glad you found us, and hope you'll find some.
Doc