Here I sit, laptop in hand wanting to get much needed sleep. But I know it won't happen. I have become afraid to fall to sleep for what lyes in my dreams. The same recurring nightmare over and over. Like my life, over and over stuck in a vacuum of depression and loneliness. The total isolation I live in has been created by myself. I try to tell people I want to break out, I've been here long enough. But my life keeps dragging along, empty. My God don't people think I want to get out of the fog. I guess like most people here if you good only put some-else in your place for a day, they would understand.

The meds I've tried them all, the ringing in my ears, headackes you know the rest. Sheer agatation! From the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. The mood stabizers just don't seem to work. I have to find a way to get out of this room I've shut myself in. It's my safe haven, does that make since? Wanting to get out but I'm a shut in.. I've often thought I've been sick so long, I don't know the real me anymore, am I afaird to see what comes out the other side?

Well it's almost 2am, time to go. Thanks for being here. ((Sadlyme))