today not so bad all meds on board. i think it will take a bout 1 week for them to get back in my system. and fully working again. no more will i go with out my meds. what a mess. now i don't feel so bad taking that handful of pills. i know what for and how it will effect me if i don't. tried listening to music but it makes me think too much to many emotions i am in a happy up beat tempo mood for music right now. no r.e.m. or even cold play to melow. well family is doing great hubby at work. sometimes i feel like if i had a real job other than being a mom a paying job i might be so busy that it wouldn't matter how i feel, i think that's how i dealt with it for so long . i was just so busy being a fulltime mom and had a fultime job it all just blended the time together. no time for me to feel. i try to over analyse(sp). everything. the past the futre and now. try to find meaning in it all. i guess that's why i used to write maybe i'll start a journal again. i had one for a long time but it got read when i was about 17 by my parents and well just never trusted anyone not to read it since so no journal. maybe i need more meds? or dif meds? my tn is doing reat i think the surg was a success but still have a few more weeks to go to call it a success. maybe that's part of my problem i did have brain surg. or technicaly a craniotomy. so that could have something to do with me not knowing who i realy am any more. mom/wife/32yrold. too simple for me i need a more complex description of my self and soul. is there a heaven is there a god or is this some cruel joke we've all been played? just wondering out loud. sorry probably should go-shelly