Originally Posted by gardenerthor1971

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Hi there,
My name is Thor & I live in North-Central Massachusetts with the love of my life; Kevin. We've been together for 11 years now, & I {stumbled} on this site & instantly found that I had information that nobody offered me before! I thought I'd introduce myself so that--if Thor happens to say anything that is confusing via a Thread/Reply or Chat--I can have somewhere to say, my story is here! My highlights could easily fill volumes, but I've condensed it to the best of my ability.

I have been experiencing stabbing pain in my Left knee which recently descended into a whole collection of effects, worsening pain--though always "Through the roof" agonizing. With the pain, my major-depression has spiraled out of control, seemingly affecting a large portion of my capability to understand & form coherent sentences the way I once could, particularly with my Angel, which is more painful & confusing, then the physical pain that killing me more than the physical pain! For background, I've now been battling HIV-related major-depression--which {WAS} under control before THIS physical pain. Now, however, that is overwhelming that control.

The orthopedic surgeon that we were referred to thru BWH in Boston explained that I likely have RSDS as opposed to anything related to the joint/bone. It is always worse with movement, though it DOES hurt all of the time, in spite of unheard of amounts of the last available narcotic that I know of, after having either been allergic or maxed out on dosages. To help alleviate some of the exuding depression/angst/couples issues, we're both seeing a therapist & we share a couple's therapist as well. In spite of this intervention----seems like I'm dying from the disassociation of the pain & how it's affecting even the simple pleasures, eating, drinking, talking to friends has all become difficult as hell. I think, if the pain can, somehow, be dulled; we both believe that--along with an increase in one of my anti-depressants will help!

I wonder if this type of disorder is really common in avascular necrosis scenarios, & am I alone w/ this "un-viewable" feeling & is the pain ever going to be manageable? {those are a couple of questions I have!} But, MOST IMPORTANT TO US {are] OPTIONS.

Yours,
Thor {For us both too!}