TY for the advice. I DO think she is bi-polar, but I think there are more things going on than that. Her mother is/was a drunk/drug addict and so was her daddy when she was conceived.

My mom is 75, but had polio growing up, and is quite disabled. She is in post polio syndrome now and really is quite defenseless. She cant stand long enough to shower, cook a meal, or make a bed. She scoots in a chair. Her power chair was torn up by my lovely sister and now it doesnt work, so my mother counts on scooting herself from one spot to another, and REFUSES to report that the chair was ruined by another. She in my humble opinion is right on the line of needing a nursing home, but I believe her life would be dramatically improved by allowing my niece to be admitted to the hospital where she can get care.

my niece REFUSES to accept benefits or apply for them. She states she doesnt want to be a "burden on society" yet she feels no shame to share my mothers $900 per month check. She eats enough for two full grown men, and hides in her room. She was supposed to be helping to cook, clean, and do my mothers errands or needs.

She fights for 5 hours to avoid 5 mins worth of work. There will be 5 dishes in the sink, and she will argue, fuss, fight, excuse her way thru the day till you have to SCREAM her into the dish water. She hides dishes in the bathroom, under her bed, under the couch or anyplace she can to avoid having to clean them. I suggested to my mom that they use paper and avoid the fight, but my mom refuses and said she cant afford the extra expense.

She thinks its ok to go 2 weeks without cleaning the cat box. (this was when there were 3 cats!) She doesnt ever think to fill the water bowl, or food bowl unless prompted hard to do so. For years many did things for her, instead of having to face the arguement that ensues once you engage her.

I believe my mother for her own safety and sanity needs to remove her from the home. she burns thru the money, the food, keeps the place a sloppy mess, and yells and is getting aggressive with my mom.

My mom has thus far refused to force her into help. She said one day she is either going to drop dead and someone else can deal with the girl, or someone will admit her to a nursing home and she will be forced to move by the housing authority as she is listed as "caretaker" under the terms of the lease, not as grandchild. She pay NO rent, no utilities, no food, no dental, no transportation, no monthly feminine supplies, no laundry expenses (she doesnt even do her own) and so on.

its a double edge sword. I HAVE called Social services. They gave her a two week notice they were coming. She paid to have the house cleaned and bragged on what a great grandchild she has. She denied all charges. I had a psych MD visit her during her last visit and went so far as to tell them she DOES have a grandchild at home, but she wont help her. They called the girl in and forced her to show them she knows how to change her back brace.

As you have figured out I am not close. They are in NC, I live in NH. I am not around the corner, and have been told that its "none of my business" stay out of it. Well, my mother is being abused. I think that is my business! my niece slips further and further away each year. That IS my business!

IF and thats a big if my mother decides to end this, how would she get this unmotivated girl some help? I advised her to go to the ER and speak to them about her. DONT let her represent herself as she will lie. Tell them the truth and that she CANNOT come back to your house when they are done. Hopefully social services will put her in a half way house. My mom has told me several times she is at that point.

is there anything I can do to motivate this girl? I love her so much and it crushes my heart to see them both suffer.