have you tried lamictal or topamax as a mood stabilizer? Depakote only helped me to gain weight. Why xanax when I think the preferred anti anxiety pill is klonopin...it lasts longer for one. Ambien didn't work for me at all for sleep...seroquel turned me into a zombie but didn't make me feel better. in fact I think it made my symptoms worse. I got off of it fast. So far risperdal is the only antipsychotic that works for me. Geodon gave me side effects and so did Abilify but others have had great success with them.
my doctor was recommending ritalin to me but I declined....
I have great trouble sleeping too...I haven't gone to bed yet. I suffer from nightmares too. Lunesta didn't work for me nor did trazadone besides Ambien.
One of my friends suggested when it gets a little warmer to spend ten minutes in full sunlight....that might help sleep. I am trying to take my own advice and not stress myself over the lack of sleep...eventually a week or two later, I wind up taking a lot of naps for a couple of days...
I don't get on myself for lying on the couch and just reading or listening to music. I don't watch tv because it irritates me. I have been spending most of my life the past year just reading and listening to music on the couch. I have tried to remove as much stress from my life as possible. As a result, my lows are generally less low and I recover quicker from severe depression. Whatever you do don't beat yourself about not having energy(also a big side effect from the drugs) or lying down all the time. You are being productive in that you are sparing yourself from stress and giving your brain chemistry to start healing. That should be your number one through ten agenda....You should try not to worry about anything....a lot of us have gone through what you are going through or still going through it....I think a lot about death but no longer do I think of active suicide...
I have come to the conclusion that being bipolar is a gift from the great unknown since it has the potential to bring us closer to the great unknown...and to realize that most things in life are trivia anyways....trivia is boring and non fulfilling....I know it is hard to focus on loving when one feels so burnt out and sleep deprived....it is so easy to become unattached when one is feeling wretched....
i rambled enough
just try to make it through one minute at a time...try to be as gentle with yourself as possible...YOU WILL FEEL BETTER EVENTUALLY...IT IS WORTH IT
bobby