I have not been posting alot to folks, as I have those depression problems too. Don't give up and fight through it. There is always some hope as long as we have each other on NT to talk to. Today, I came back to the site for the same reason you do, to try and get a grip and keep moving forward. I just wanted you to know, there is another person in your corner who understands these feelings. Be good to yourself in some small way everyday. ginnie