I'm so sorry to hear your story!

No, your parenting did not suddenly fail. The people telling you so have no idea what's going on. Offer to let them keep your son for a week if they can do so much better *sigh*

I'm going to have to second Mark on the magnesium. As getting your son to take pills may be difficult at the moment, I would buy a magnesium chloride spray and magnesium sulfate (epsom salts) baths.

Limit dietary and supplemental calcium as the magnesium and calcium go hand in hand.

Magnesium supplementation has been the most helpful thing I've found so far. When I can post links, I'll share the two research articles I've managed to get through. Also, see if you can get your hands on a book called The Magnesium Miracle.

It won't cure him but it should help calm him significantly.

I had significant trouble sleeping and flew into rages starting 2-3 weeks after my injury -- even after years of meditation, coaching people on the benefits of positive thinking etc etc.

I'm still much more emotional and irritable but no more dangerous anger.

Good luck. May your family find fast help and healing.